Being that this is andyvina blog, I thought I would finally blog something. [vina here]. It’s been a month and two weeks and
three four days since the arrival of our lil Ava and MAN has it been a ride! Let’s just say that I’ve been on a roller coaster with loops, turns, setbacks, and jerks. I.hate.roller.coasters. To all the new mommies and veteran mommies out there: I have new eyes for you all and am amazed at how you are able to still function and dress yourselves each day. It’s shocking how you think you know something until you are actually on that side and realize, um, I had NO clue!
Week 1-4 = blur. learning curve to the fullest. How to walk. nurse. sleep deprivation. diaper changes. crying. CRYING. both baby and me. pain everywhere. dazed. confused. side blinded. this is where I felt guilt ridden on why I didn’t help out those other newbie moms more. This is where I questioned why no one ever mentioned the craziness of what happens after birth. Perhaps it is the grace of God who hides these truths from us in order for us to go ahead and take the leap. Yeah. That has to be it, it’s only logical. If I had known the full depths of what a baby would bring, I may have rethought about having one. Goes back to that one verse I read, …count the cost. Sounds morbid right?! Truth: I felt like I was in no way capable of handling this life on the outside. What kept going on in my mind, “What am I doing?” “What were we thinking about bringing a baby into this world?” Help. My husband is great! Supportive, helpful, and insightful. Why can I not be more like him? Me? Weeping. Scared constantly. Weeping. What went through my brain? “How am I going back to work?” “What if I can’t supply enough milk while at work, while at home!?” “How am I going to do everything a wife needs to and take care of baby?” “I can’t do this.”
Week 5: transitional stage…a mix of blur, hormonal issues, and adapting…
Currently Week 6: getting “used” to the baby and new life. I still have my emotional roller coasters and break downs. Not so many but when they happen it’s intense. I want to stay at home with her, I want a life that is normal and sane, I want the Lord to break in and help me get control again. Did I mention I want to stay home with her? Can I? I sure hope and pray that I will be able to soon. I’m trying not to think of the separation anxiety on Oct. 3, let alone on Wednesday and Thursday for training and dentist appointment. Her smiles keeps me going. Wouldn’t it help you too? The positive spin I could place on this, I get to return to this lovely girl: